Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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