So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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