Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
