When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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