you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
