After last night, I could never be a politician.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
