Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
