I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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