Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
