On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
