My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
