the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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