you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Barsexuality is the new black.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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