That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
