her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
