Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
