PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
