If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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