Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
