I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
