4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
