I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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