Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
