I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
