C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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