If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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