i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
