Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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