1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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