I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
