Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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