Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
