cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
