You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
