Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
