party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
