So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
