my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
