So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
