i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
