youre lurking in front of me
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
