Nicole vs. Life
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
