Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
