a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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