I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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