I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
