dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
