I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
