I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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