We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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