Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
