My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Green mimosas i think yes
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Let's get the cat blown out
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm sobbing to NWA
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
