His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
